Aloha Means Never Having to Clean Up the Kitchen...

It's Tuesday again, so that means we're back with another delicious recipe and the woes or successes of the overall cooking experience. I say that, because it was a success in the end (the meal was yum) but the process of getting there was very woeful.

Very Woeful Indeed.

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I am a klutsy person. If there is a crack in the sidewalk, I will find it and trip. If you throw something to me, I will drop it. If you hand something to me, there is a strong possibility that I'll drop it. If I'm pouring something, it will spill. If I'm eating, I will get food on my clothes. And so on and so forth. That is why cooking is hazardous for me. I don't mind cooking, I like to do it even, but I'm better off with recipes that seem like they were complicated, but were actually only like two steps. 

This week Sass gave me the task of making Pineapple Rice.

Pineapple Rice Recipe

You can use extra-virgin coconut oil in the dressing instead of the macadamia, olive or sunflower oils if you like. In fact, it's a great choice, particularly if you'll be serving the rice hot. It solidifies at room temperature. Follow the same instructions, just don't be alarmed by the white flecks in the dressing after you puree it. They will disappear upon heating.

1/3 cup macadamia oil, olive oil, or sunflower oil
2 teaspoons toasted sesame oil
1/4 cup (fresh or canned) all-natural 100% pineapple juice
1 garlic clove
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 tablespoons soy sauce (or shoyu)
1 cup pineapple, cut into chunks
2 teaspoons freshly grated ginger
1/4 teaspoon fine grain sea salt

4 handfuls of mizuna, watercress, or arugula

2 1/2 cups cooked brown rice, room temperature
4 green onions, thinly sliced
3 shallots, peeled and thinly sliced
1 cup cashews, roasted/toasted and chopped
1/2 small serrano chile, seeded and deveined, and minced (optional)
4 ounces seitan, cut into little bits and pan-fried (optional)

Start by making the dressing. Combine the oil, sesame oil, pineapple juice, garlic, red pepper flakes, soy sauce, fresh pineapple, ginger, and salt in a blender or food processor. Puree until smooth. Transfer to a small saucepan, and gently warm just before serving, don't simmer or boil.

In an extra-large bowl toss the mizuna with a generous splash of the dressing. Arrange it on a platter (as a bed for the rice)

You can serve the rice portion of this recipe room temperature or hot - Wayne really loved the hot version, and so did I. In the same bowl you used to toss the greens, or in an extra large skillet over medium heat, combine the rice, most of the onions, shallots, cashews and serrano chile, and seitan. Add about half of the dressing and toss well. If you are serving the rice hot, saute it in the pan until it is heated throughout. Taste, and adjust with more dressing if needed. Spoon the rice over the greens and finish with any remaining onions, shallots, cashews, and seitan.

Serves 2- 4, main vs. side.

Inspired by and (heavily) adapted from a recipe in the Summer 2009Edible Hawaiian Islands publication.

As you can see, there are more than two steps. You're probably telling yourself right now, "Self, there doesn't appear to be that many steps, what is wrong with this girl?" Well, I'll tell you what is wrong with me, how it all went down and explain myself right now.

First things first, I looked over the recipe and realized that I didn't have most of the ingredients. I had brown rice and EVOO on hand at my house. That's it. I didn't even have a blender. I've been meaning to buy one, so I figured now was as good as time as any. So, I headed to Target after work yesterday to get everything I needed. When I was perusing the vegetables, I realized I had no idea what mizuna, watercress or even arugula looked like. I knew I had heard of arugula, but that was about it. I looked again and again at the leafy greens, and there was nothing to be found. That should have been the first sign.

After a second pass of the produce section, I gave up and decided to use my spinach I had at the house. I then headed over to the oils and spices to stock up on some new flavors. I'm always surprised at their prices, but it was fine since I figure I will definitely use them again. Then, I crossed the store to check out the blenders, and I found one on sale which is always nice.

I finally got home with all of my supplies, and I decided to get down to cooking. I have limited space in my apartment, and the kitchen does not have a lot of counter space. It doesn't take much to clutter it completely, and I try to clean as you go to make it easier, but last night it was like I was doing everything at once except for cleaning.

The recipe says to make the dressing first, but I was immediately chopping shallots (I now know what they are - go me) and garlic. I just thought it would be best to get the chopping out of the way. That though just took up my counter space. I also started cooking my brown Success rice which I'm glad I have because I wouldn't have been able to handle anything BUT bag rice last night. Then, I had to get my blender out of the box, cut it out of all those ridiculous ties and bags.

I hope you can see how the mess just kept growing and growing. Then, apparently I pushed one of the buttons on the blender at some point, so when I plugged it in, it started up, whirring loudly and scaring the shit out of me. After making sure the blender was indeed off, I put it together and started making the dressing. This wasn't difficult. I did accidentally not follow directions because I put like a 1/3 of a cup of pineapple instead of 1 cup. (I later commented to Sass that it didn't have the sweetness I thought it would, not realizing my own blunder)

Anywho, I puree'ed, and it was all good. Then, I tried to take the blender off the base to pour into a small saucepan. Somehow, I loosened the glass from the blade instead of the whole thing from the base, and much to my dismay, my sauce started to leak right out the bottom. With a few choice curses, I righty tighty'ed it back up, but then I could not, prob because of my EVOO fingers, could not get it loose. I had to tip the whole blender over to pour the sauce in the pan. There was a lot of drippage. That task was finished, though, so I let out a sigh of relief and a look of annoyance directed at the blender.

I then turned to the rice itself which warranted toasted cashews. I had decided at the store that I was going to use walnuts since I had them at my house, so I did. I chopped them and then put them in the pan with the heat on super low, but since I'm slow, they started to get a little too toasty, if you know what I mean.

I was burning my nuts up.

I finally got all the other ingredients in the pan (including a few pickled jalapenos I chopped up in place of a serrano chile because I'm classy like that) with the dressing, and I knew it was going to be okay. After I had poured ALL of the dressing on the rice, I looked back at the directions to see it said half of it, season to taste. Well, I just had to hope that I was all about full flavor. Everything was finally going my way then, well, until I knocked the glass of jalapenos over, spilling pickled pepper juice all over my counter. That was fun. I swear, super klutz here.

FINALLY, everything was done, and I was ready to arrange for a pretty picture. I poured some rice on top of the spinach, sprinkled the rest of the shallots, remembered last minute to cut up the green onions so I sprinkled them on top and then got fancy with a pineapple garnish (It wasn't a garnish really since I ate those pineapple pieces, but just go with it.) This is the final product.

Looks delicious, right? It was. All of my hard work paid off, and really, for a normal person, I don't think this recipe would be difficult at all. Remind me to tell you the time I made a chocolate cake with icing so hard, you couldn't penetrate it with a butcher's knife. That's a story for another day...

So, then, I had this lovely presentation, but I hadn't invited anyone over to share it with me. I wasn't going to let the beauty go to waste, though, so I ate dinner out of the giant salad bowl, sitting on the floor in my underwear. Don't judge me.

Obviously, I only ate a small portion of the rice, but I did eat most of the spinach. It was really good, and I was pretty proud of myself. I'm going to bring the rest of the rice to share with my parents at their house tonight. I told my mother she just has to make everything else. After I was through eating directly from the giant salad bowl like a savage, I went back into the kitchen to put the rest of the rice away, and this is what I found.

What you can't see is the spilled jalapeno juice, but you can see the rest of my mess I had to clean up. If you take this step by step and clean as you go, it would be easy to cook, easy to clean, but I can never do anything the easy way.

I do recommend this rice. It was tasty, healthy and would be fantastic as a side dish to a lot of meals. Get out and make it yourself and then let us know your experience. Please when you share, though, mention how you accidentally leaned on the cutting board, making the ingredients fly into the air, smattering garlic and shallots against the wall and all in your hair and then you slipped on some spilled EEVO and fell on the floor. Basically, make me feel better about all my spaziness. Mkay? Thanks!